I don't know why it's so hard for me to keep a blog. I used
to find so much comfort in being able to express however I felt on my blog. It
was my catharsis after a really bad day, or just a way for me to be able to
relive and document happy events. But
now, it's hard for me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). My thoughts
are no longer organized, they're scattered everywhere. Whenever I think of a
topic I want to write about, it leads to nowhere and ends with something along
the lines of "I guess I'll change." Maybe because I now mostly write
about things that bother me and I feel that I need to have some sort of
resolution so I don't sound like some whiny brat. I think for now I'll stick to
my bullet format so it's easier for me to divide up my thoughts. You'd think
that I'd be able to form cohesive, flowing paragraphs, being a university
graduate and all.
- I'm currently finding myself in a "need to be amused" mood. Possibly because of the new stressors I've been having to deal with. Audiobooks have been helping me with this. Recently I listened to Mindy Kaling's "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" and it is just what I needed. I felt like an idiot listening to it on the subway because I was just smiling to myself and trying my best to stifle my laugh so I wouldn't seem like I was certifiable.
- Speaking of stressors, I started working at my new part time job. My FIRST ever part time job. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, on the first day I was supposed to be trained. And since I've never had a real job before, I didn't really know what to expect. Let's just say I wanted to cry and curl up into a ball during my break. It didn't go horribly, but I'm the type of person who needs to have my emotions in check. This means that I like to be mentally prepared, pretty much all of the time. So if something goes wrong, I will have anticipated it and be equipped to handle it the best I can. You can tell that I'm totallyyyy easygoing can't you?
- The topic of relationships has come up more frequently recently among some of my friends and it's got me thinking. I don't consider myself to ever been in a real relationship before, seeing as the last time I was in one was in high school. Me and guys are not really a good combination. Anytime I've had some sort of "involvement" with a guy, things ended pretty badly. Lately, I've started wondering, how do I know if I actually like someone? I'm pretty sure that I've liked people before based on the fact that they were paying attention to me and not because I actually liked them for who they were. I know it's important to share similar beliefs and have a solid foundation (I'm pretty sure I got that from the bachelor - of all places right?), but how do you get all that information from dating someone you've just met? I'm guessing this is why people date their friends because they go into the relationship already knowing that information, but I don't really have that many guy friends. I'm not too worried about this stuff, but it is on my mind more now, especially since my other friends are in similar situations.
- I have read so many "Thing You'll Learn In Your Twenties" and "Why Your Twenties Are Your Defining Years" articles on Buzzfeed and ThoughtCatalog. It's kind of crazy how true they are because my life now is pretty different from what it was 6 months ago. Everyone keeps telling me to do stuff now because I'm young and things will be different when I'm older. Be spontaneous now, do the things I want to do. But it's weird, because like I mentioned above, I like being prepared. Which pretty much means I don't really enjoy spontaneity. I mean I do, but prepared spontaneity, if that makes sense. I don't want to feel like I've missed out later on, but I also do like staying home and watching TV and reading cookbooks. I guess the key is to have a mix and balance of both. I recently read an article that said people become more depressed after going on Facebook. And I actually felt this today after going on Instagram! I was looking at all the pictures of all the awesome things people were doing, and I just thought to myself, what am I doing with my life?? I've been trying to do this thing (and haven't been very successful, surprise surprise) where I make new goals every week. It's been hard for me to accomplish them because once I write them out at the beginning of the week, I don't really give them much thought for the rest of the week. I need to find some way to ensure that I complete these goals/tasks so I feel good about myself and so I can kind of keep track of my growth and how I've changed. That would be cool to look back on.
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